There’s such a push for treating gay kids equally that it’s important to recognize there is such a thing as equal but different. She asked about dates like anyone would: where did you go? Will you see him again? But perhaps there was a separate set of special questions that should have been asked: do you feel comfortable dating? Did you talk about coming out? What was your date’s experience? During holidays, she assured me that it would be more than okay to bring a boyfriend home. My mom, ever the optimist, did her best to be supportive. My early experiences dating and many three-week-long relationships were punctuated by nonsensical break-ups and bottled up emotions.
Pervasive self-consciousness turned any bystander into a chaperone and every passing glance into a stare. No matter how much support and reassurance I received from friends and family, I couldn’t entertain the idea of a first date kiss in public, let alone holding a man’s hand. I was further affected by a sense of discomfort with who I was. College may be ripe for experimentation, but high school is custom-made for crushing.ĭating wasn’t tough for me just because I was inexperienced. I very much believe that this impacted my emotional maturity (and many of my peers feel the same about themselves.) When you date in high school, romances aren’t so quick to accelerate and mistakes are more easily forgiven.
My mom, who has been my most thoughtful supporter through this journey, would agree that my coming out phase wasn’t nearly as rocky as the rise and fall of my first gay relationship.Įvery first love is exceedingly complicated to navigate-any Young Adult novel will teach you that-but coming out at 19 meant I missed the trial and error period where teenage love thrives. While the first time I said “I’m gay” (using different words, much less assuredly) was important, it doesn’t seem to be the most profound. I’m running out of “firsts”and upon reflection, I realize they define much of my personal narrative.
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